The social dilemma – high school friendships and how you can help

When your child is struggling to make friends, whether they be in Year 7 or Year 12, there is an innate urge to intervene, a panic that as a parent, you should be able to fix this, right?

As Linda Stade says in her article www.inspiringgirls.info/post/making-friends-in-high-school it can be awkward, overwhelming and exhausting for students to navigate the social waters of high school, and tempting for parents to try to intervene.

Linda shares that throughout high school, friendships will naturally evolve and dissolve, friends drift apart and it’s unsettling for all.

Having realistic conversations with your child at home can create emotional capacity to endure the ups and downs. You can support your child in several ways. Aim to enhance your child’s confidence and their belief that they deserve friends, as well as to understand that it’s OK if not everybody likes them. Empower your child by encouraging them to be organised and engaged, because once these skills are developed, opportunities will arise for them to meet new people in extra-curricular activities, by being 5 minutes early to class, or even on the bus!

Encourage your child to identify other students with similar interests or shared values. Promote the concept that it is healthy to have lots of social connections with varying levels of significance.

Ensure your child understands that in friendship, quality wins over quantity. Linda states that “There is no magic number of friends. Some people need a few close friends and confidants. Others need many acquaintances and lots of shared time.”

The most important way to assess the balance of success in the social realm of your child is in their happiness.

Friendship skills, that may be second nature to us as adults, may need to be taught to our children. They should be encouraged to be brave and say hello to others, to smile, to ask others questions rather than focus conversation on themselves and to interact without a phone in their hand!

“It is a privilege to walk alongside your child as they become more independent. Although they are growing so quickly, they still need you, especially in the realm of social learning.” (Stade, 2023)